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Montessori and grandparents

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Introduction

A grandparent wrote to me as they want to be involved with their grandchild but don’t know the best way.

The parents want them to follow Montessori principles and let the child choose for themselves; the grandparent also wants to be able to read books with them and have fun with the child.

The grandparent is left feeling not sure how to connect with their grandchild while also respecting the parents wishes around using a Montessori approach with the child.

Montessori and grandparents

It’s true in Montessori that we want to preserve concentration and let the child choose as much as possible.

There are also lots of ways to interact with our children and to connect with them. Including with their grandparents or other loved ones.

Ways for grandparents/loved ones to be involved

Here are some of my favourite ways for grandparents to interact with our child in a Montessori way:

  1. Share their love for their passions – eg, if they enjoy gardening, they could make a hole in the soil and invite the child to plant a seed in the hole, cover it in soil, and to water it. If they have a garden, they can invite them to explore with them, water the plants together, cut some herbs, tend to some vegetables, or look up some plants in a book together.
     
  2. Connect during moments of care – regardless of age there are moments when they will be caring for the child. This could be during diapering, dressing, feeding, preparing for meals, bath time, getting ready to go out, doing laundry/folding laundry/sorting laundry, having a cosy bed time ritual. Instead of rushing through these moments, these can be precious moments for connection. With a baby or toddler, they can go slow, involve them in the process, talk with each other, take their time together. With a preschooler and older child, they can chat as they work to get things done around the home.
     
  3. Work alongside each other – eg, they might take some paper next to the child who is drawing to work on our their drawing.
     
  4. Go for a walk – I think this is my favourite thing to do with children of any age. They can put the child in charge of the speed and direction, and they can walk alongside them noticing things, asking questions, and wondering together.
     
  5. Set up an activity to do together – it can be fun to set up an activity they’d like to do with the child like baking or creating something together. If they make it attractive and at their height, it is often not long before the child will ask to do it together.
     
  6. Let the child choose from a list of things we like doing – if they ask their grandparent or loved one to play with them, it can be nice for them to make a list of things that they enjoy doing with the child. For example, the list might have things like building lego, baking, playing board games, reading books, or doing art and crafts. This is a way to have fun with them that the grandparent/loved one enjoys too.
     
  7. Propose an activity but allow the child choose if/when they’d like to do it – when the child is not busy with an activity, they could ask them if they’d like to join them to read a book/do some woodworking/build a train track etc. Then the child can decide if they would like to join them or perhaps to do it at a later time. This honours the child’s choice of if and when and hopefully they accept the invitation or at another time.
     
  8. Plan an outing together – if the child has a particular passion, it can be fun to plan an outing together around this interest.

There is a place for connection and fun for grandparents and loved ones and our children will benefit from learning from others, not just ourselves.

A few more tips about applying Montessori with grandparents/loved ones:

  • By having open conversations, we can make agreements that work for everyone – especially when grandparents or other special people are regularly involved in our child’s life.
  • It’s natural that our children will experience different rules with different people. They are not us, and that’s okay. But we can still be clear about what’s important in our home.
  • Grandparents/loved ones can feel criticised that we are choosing to raise our children in a way that is different to the way they may have raised us. It’s important to be sensitive not to jump into correct them and give them feedback and respect in the same way we would with our child.

I hope you find ways to involve grandparents and other loved ones in this beautiful Montessori journey, even if these principles are new to them. With understanding and collaboration, they can still feel involved, loved, and respected in this process.

Our child’s life can be even richer with their contribution.