We want to be a kind and clear guide to our child. And people want to know why their child listens to me.
Well I have been lucky enough to practice with many toddlers over the last 20 years, raised two children in a Montessori way, and my Montessori training has definitely been invaluable.
But there is one thing that you could all try today that I think will help you to be a kind and clear guide.
Want to know what it is?
Talk from the belly.
What does that mean?
So I’ve already mentioned that Montessori families are very kind.
Sometimes I like to joke that they are too kind.
What I hear often is families using a very small voice that comes from the throat asking for their child to do something.
I love that. It’s so kind. And respectful.
However, many times it means that our child won’t listen to us.
Because our children are looking to us for guidance.
Clear guidance.
We don’t just want to be kind; we want to be kind AND clear.
If we are not clear then they are not clear.
This does not mean that we need to shout.
We also don’t need to let our child do anything they want.
We are there to guide them and help them understand how we consider others too.
This is where the belly comes in.
If a child does not want to leave class, I’ll listen to them, acknowledge them, maybe write down what they are upset about in my notebook.
And then I’ll guide them, telling them “Let’s do that next time. Now it’s time to find our shoes/get our coat/press the button on the list.”
I tell them from my belly.
I’m grounded. I’m kind. And I’m also clear.
So when you next need your child to listen to you:
instead of speaking from your throat in an itty bitty voice which sounds kind but can also come across to your child that you are not really sure yourself
be clear on what the next step is and let them know what is happening, speaking from your belly
Engage them as much as possible – invite them to press the button, find their shoes, carry the keys, sing their favourite song – but keep moving forward.
This is how we can be both kind AND clear.
And we may find that they will listen to us far more than we were expecting.